Ready or not, here I come.
Ripped By mstoll
There was this girl
and her parents were always out
and she didn't like it, she got frightened.
So, they bought her a dog.
One night, her parents were out,
and she's lying in bed,
and she can hear this, drip...
Drip, drip.
She gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom,
and turns off all the taps, gets back into bed.
A bit scared.
Sticks her hand under the bed, and the dog licks it.
But she can still hear it,
drip, drip, drip.
So, she gets up and goes to the kitchen,
makes sure the tap there is turned off properly,
gets back into bed, sticks her hand under the bed,
the dog licks it.
But she can still hear it,
drip, drip, drip.
And now, she realises it's coming from the wardrobe in her bedroom.
Terrified, she gets up,
goes over to the wardrobe and opens it.
The dog,
is hanging from the rail,
blood dripping from its slit throat.
And written on the back of wardrobe,
in blood...
"Humans can lick too."
- That's rubbish. - It's not rubbish. You was terrified.
- I wasn't. - I'm going to sleep.
Drip.
Drip. Drip.
Drip.
Drip. Drip.
Now I need the toilet.
What if the dog's in there with his throat slit?
We don't have a dog.
Oh, my God, what's that?
- Stop! - What was happening then?
Maybe she should take the day off. I can look after her.
If people took a day off every time they got the curse,
the whole blimmin' world would grind to a halt.
Margaret knows what to do.
- I've given her the necessary. - Let's have a look.
Have a nice term, Johnny, see you at Christmas.
Yeah, that's only if you survive the first day of big school.
Cut it out you two, or I'll bang your heads together.
Stop!
Monsters.
- Nervous? - No.
I was just thinking, why wasn't there any clothes in the wardrobe?
I mean, how come she could see the writing on the back?
I don't know.
- Maybe the licker was wearing them. - Ugh!
Pervert.
You can hang around with me if you like.
I'll bloody kill you.
Wasn't me!
- Billy uses it all the time! - I...
Maybe it was Johnny.
Blame the one who isn't here.
Look, no more, do you hear me? I've got enough to deal with as it is.
What does it feel like?
Like someone's yanking on your insides.
You don't feel the bleeding.
But you can feel the pad getting heavy.
It's like having mud in your pants.
- Ugh! - Quiet in there.
- Night. - Sleep tight.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Stop it, I'm really tired.
You stop it.
Janet, it's not funny, Mum'll flip.
I'm not doing anything.
Janet.
- Hold my hand. - I am holding your bleeding hand.
That's not my hand.
Go on, piss off.
If this is you, I'll kill you.
It's inside the room.
What is wrong with the both of you?
Haven't we all had enough of a day, already?
In the same bed.
It's bad enough wearing yourselves out, now...
Mum.
Watch me! Watch!
Oh.
Oh, no.
Oh, dear, dear, oh.
Brave girl.
That was a bit of a nasty shock, wasn't it, eh?
It hurts.
Let's have a look shall we?
Am I bleeding?
- Bad dreams? - No.
- Did you dream about her? - No.
Any plans for the day?
Er...
Hello?
Er, yes, this is Maurice Grosse, yes.
Oh, oh, right...
Well, thank you, thank you for thinking of me. SPR.
Well, I, no, of course, I'll do my best.
Thank you very much. Goodbye.
Well, something's come up.
Oh, you have to go then, Maurice.
- Yes, I know, of course. Yeah. - Yeah.
All right.
- It's probably nothing. - Yeah.
Right.
- Hello? - Ray?
Yes, speaking.
I have to see you.
- That's a domino. - Mmm.
There's a marble,
and that, but look at their hands.
Has your paper published these yet?
No, they're waiting on more of a story.
We didn't know who else to call.
They'd already tried the police.
Here they are.
Margaret, Janet, Billy.
Maurice Grosse from the Society of Psychical Research.
The cavalry's arrived!
Janet?
What?
And Margaret and Billy. Have, have I got that right?
Er, Mr Bence was just telling me that you've, you've had the police here.
For all the use that was.
They didn't believe us at first.
Then that chair come at the lady police officer.
Thought she was going to piss herself.
Janet.
To be honest, our editor wouldn't have sent us if it wasn't for the police.
- No. - Gives the story credibility.
No offence.
Hmm.
Redecorating?
It's been like that since Dad left.
Mmm.
Thought you said it was brand new.
Don't know what's wrong with it.
It was working fine.
What you doing?
Graham already photographed that.
Well, I like to have a copy for my own files.
- Is this what you do for a living? - I have a business, inventing things.
So, what's the "Society of Cyclical Research," then?
Psychical Research.
It's a group of people who are interested in this sort of thing.
How come we got you?
Well.
I've been pestering the secretary for some time for a case,
and I don't suppose everybody can afford to take the time off.
Are you rich?
Janet Hodgson, what sort of question is that?
You mind your manners. Get in that bath.
Oh, kids, eh?
- You got any, Mr Grosse? - Three.
That's nice. I'm making Johnny's bed up for you,
if you ever want to kip down.
Oh, very kind.
Go on. Piss off.
Now...
This knocking, Margaret, how many at a time?
Three.
No, first it was in fours, then threes.
I'm interviewing Margaret now, Janet.
I'll do you later, if that's all right with you.
- Why does she get to go first? - You were in the bath.
Why do I always have to use her disgusting bathwater?
Because I'm the oldest.
Have a nice bath, Billy, the water's lovely.
Billy?
Shh, it's all right.
- What happened? - He was here.
A horrible old man.
I saw him, through that.
Shh, it's all right.
That's...
It's okay.
I saw it.
- It's cracked. - But I saw something horrible.
Well, you shouldn't have been looking through it. It's not yours.
So, the night that it happened...
Are there lots of poltergeists around?
No. It's a pretty rare phenomenon.
How many have you seen?
Now, hold on a minute, who's asking the questions here?
How can anybody get any sleep here, with that canary going on all the time?
He only sings when there's someone in the room. At night, zip.
- My turn, what are your pills for? - What pills?
You rattle when you walk.
Old bones.
Liar, liar, your pants are on fire.
I do have old bones.
But I've also got a thing called angina.
That's what the pills are for.
It's a tightening of the chest.
I get tight in my chest sometimes.
Like there's a scream inside that can't come out.
Oh, dear me, what's happened here?
- I'm getting in with Mum. - Don't go. Maybe it won't happen again.
Hmm.
I was asleep and then crash and that was over there.
I was only doing it, so you'll believe me.
And now, you never will.
Just get some sleep.
Damn.
I'm getting a bit long in the tooth for Grandmother's footsteps.
I saw it, as clearly as I can see you now.
And you're not just saying this because you broke the teapot?
Janet.
Oh, God.
- My first ever cover story... - Oh.
- Thank you very much. - Well.
- Let's have a look. - Ooh.
I don't think they messed around with your quotes too much, Maurice.
And look...
Oh, there we are.
Nice one of you, Janet.
Look at you!
Farrah Fawcett, eat your heart out.
Oh, look.
It wasn't me.
It was the poltergeist.
Leave off.
I'm not doing nothing. Must be the poltergeist.
I didn't ask for it.
So, why do you look so fucking pleased with yourself?
That's you ain't it?
A "strange happening".
Pick up your mess.
Why don't you get the poltergeist to help you?
- Where's Margaret? - Ask Margaret.
Hi... Hi, Janet.
Don't.
Shush, Billy.
Smash any more teapots?
How are you feeling, Janet?
Fine.
I was wondering if you had enough energy for us to try and make contact
with the poltergeist.
Just let your mind go blank.
What you doing?
Making contact with the poltergeist.
What do you want to do that for?
- See what it wants. - Join us if you like.
I've got homework.
So relax, Janet.
Just let the thoughts ebb from your mind,
like, um,
like water going down a plughole.
And if a new thought comes along,
it's just passing through, and it's all,
it's all going down the plughole.
Mr Grosse, can I ask you something?
Of course you can, Janet.
How many poltergeists have you actually dealt with?
None.
That's okay.
We can learn together.
Hmm.
Front door.
Hello?
- Maurice Grosse? - Yes?
Guy Playfair. How do you do? I'm a colleague of yours at the SPR.
Yes. Yes of course. I...
I saw The Mirror. Thought maybe you could use a hand.
Oh.
Guy Playfair?
Is that your real name or is that just for your books?
Er, for my books I use Guy Lyon Playfair.
You play fair with me, I'll play fair with you.
Okay?
P... P... Playfair.
Girls' room.
So are the poltergeists in Brazil different from the ones here?
Well, let just wait and see shall we?
Um, can you pop the kettle on for us?
- Okay. - G... Guy.
She's a spirited thing, isn't she? I thought there were four of them.
Well, the elder boy is at residential school.
Boarding school?
- Behavioural problems. - Oh, right.
And that little chap, I can't make out a word he's saying.
- Billy. Well, he has a speech impediment. - Oh, good, I thought it was me.
Listen, I hope you don't think I'm butting in.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm glad for the help and the expertise.
- What does it do? - Er, just imagine it isn't there.
Ow.
Uh-oh.
Ow. Stop that. Stop that.
Hey.
Oops.
How does it get them to fall from that height and just stop dead?
- It? - The poltergeist.
Oh, for goodness' sake.
- You saw it. - I saw naughty children throwing marbles.
But did you though?
And tell me, how can it or they get one to go over that light,
hit that lamp with such velocity that it destroyed it?
You saw that.
Now forgive me, Guy, one thing I know is trajectories.
Six years in the Royal Artillery in the war.
Hold the front page.
"Marble Behaves Oddly, Another Strange Happening."
But it is strange.
Yes, but you don't go running to the papers
bandying around the good name of the SPR the first time you can't explain something.
I didn't go running to the papers. They came running to us.
And who called them? They did. They're in it for the money.
What money? And incidentally they didn't call the papers.
Neighbours did.
When they'd experienced something.
Right, so that's, that's me, the Hodgsons,
three neighbours, the boys from The Mirror and the woman police officer.
I can tell you about the journalists. And who is this woman police officer?
For all we know she's as gullible as you are.
You're not here to lend a hand are you?
Professor Beloff sent me.
He's, uh...
He's worried that you're bringing the august society, of which he is the president,
into disrepute with your credulity and your Mirror headlines.
- So, you're here to close me down? - I'm not looking to make friends, Maurice.
All right. Well, I'm going to bed.
You can have the put-me-up.
Margaret?
It's okay.
It's all right.
It's all right, Janet.
It's all right. Come on, it's all right.
Up you go.
It's all right. Shh, shh.
What, what happened?
He was here. He put a hand over my mouth and I couldn't breathe.
- Who? - Janet! What happened?
- She had a bad dream. - I was awake! It happened!
I'm afraid the mind is rather brilliant at creating sense, uh...
Did I imagine the canary and all?
I know what it wants. It wants to hurt me.
Oh, sweetheart.
You saw it?
Can we see that again, please?
It's not supposed to do that.
Oh, can you stop doing that? Stop doing that, please.
Take us back to the live feed.
She's gone.
I don't like that thing looking at me.
Come on. Let's, let's pop you back into bed, shall we?
All right.
Right. Jump in there. You get nice and tucked up, that's it.
Just straight.
Yes, I see what you mean. It's that one eye.
Maybe if there was two it would be a bit friendlier, eh?
Big sticky out ears and a big smile.
What was it like in the war?
Well,
scary, exciting, boring. Just like life really.
It was a different age.
Food was rationed,
there was no sweets, no chocolate.
Tell me a story from them times.
- Oh, no, you don't want to hear about all that. - I do.
Well,
it wasn't all bad.
Run-up to D-Day, I went to a tea dance.
And there was the most beautiful girl
that I'd ever seen.
She was dancing with another girl. And I... I just knew I...
Knew I had to go up and ask her to dance.
She agreed to see me same time, same place next week.
It was the longest week of my life.
Anyway, time came, and I was there, and I waited.
And I waited and,
uh...
She didn't show up.
And I hadn't got her name.
I didn't know where she lived. I mean, it's stupid, but that's what it was like in wartime.
The girl I was meant to be with,
the woman I was meant to be with,
gone forever.
Just as I was walking away,
she came running round the corner, apologising for being late.
I proposed to her that day.
Cor. Then what happened?
They said it wouldn't last but here we are, 33 years later.
Come on, I think it's time you got some sleep.
It's all my fault.
Right before it started,
we were playing hide and seek.
It... It's out of bounds but I hid in the graveyard at the end of the road.
Maybe something come home with me.
I'll look into it. But, uh,
I don't think that's anything you need to lose sleep over.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Don't leave me alone with it.
What, with that?
Lt.
I won't.
Come on.
Tell me, how can that girl asleep in her bed do that?
Of course, just because it's the whole street it doesn't mean it isn't the poltergeist.
The government and the unions would love that.
- Give them a break from blaming each other. - Hmm.
I get the impression that, uh, you don't want there to be a poltergeist.
No, it's not that.
It's not that at all, although I wouldn't wish a poltergeist on anyone.
It's just that I, um...
What I don't want is people whipping themselves up into a frenzy over things
- that can be explained away quite easily. - Hmm.
Tell me, um,
tell me about one of your cases in Brazil.
There's a village
about 200 miles west of Sao Paulo,
Ribeirão do Pinhal.
- No power cuts there, there's no electricity. - Hmm.
What there was, supposedly, was a house possessed by spirits.
Most of the attention was centred around this 13-year-old boy,
Braulio.
And he had such a sort of wide-eyed innocence
that of course I was instantly suspicious.
Even when I saw him nearly choke to death
as he sicked-up a half-alive frog,
tears of shock in those wide eyes. I thought it's a trick, it's a conjuror's trick.
But?
Well, uh, then I saw him levitate,
I saw him slam repeatedly against the wall.
And he would vomit up far worse things than a frog.
What happened?
Um, he died.
God, how awful.
Don't worry. I don't think we're dealing with anything like that here.
Because it's Enfield?
No, because
high-spirited girls have been pulling these sort of pranks for centuries.
It's impossible to believe it until you see it for yourself.
That's what I always say.
Hmm.
So, how long have you been a member of the society?
Uh, it was just after our daughter died, so that's, that's just over a year now.
Your daughter died a year ago?
My God, how ghastly, Maurice. I'm so sorry.
Did you, uh, did you know it was coming?
Uh, bolt out of the blue.
Late-night phone call, every parent's worst nightmare.
She'd been on the back of her boyfriend's motorbike.
So there was an accident and...
The thing is almost immediately afterwards we felt,
and other members of the family, that Janet was trying to contact us.
Janet?
Yeah, that was my daughter's name.
Oh. There we are.
Hmm.
How could you not mention that your daughter was called Janet?
- It's not relevant. - Oh, it is.
It is one might say, it is the relevant fact.
- Good grief. - Now, hang on, hang on a minute.
When people scream "poltergeist,"
the first question I always ask is what's the payoff for them?
It couldn't be clearer. You're running away from your grief.
I saw a teapot move on its own accord right there.
You see what you want to see.
And you see what you want to see.
A silly old man and Guy Lyon Playfair the great expert.
I am the expert.
This is over.
You're a journalist. If this is fraud,
then you should be able to find proof of fraud.
All right.
All right, I'll stay. I'll find out what's really going on, on one condition,
you're not here.
I, I can't do that, no, I've...
I promised Janet I wouldn't leave her alone.
Well, you wouldn't be leaving her alone.
You're leaving her with me.
All right.
It's, uh, it's just for a bit.
Janet! Janet!
All right, all right, all right.
Argh!
Ripped By mstoll